2 December 2004
Wrapping Paper
What Is this wrappingpaper you speak of? What does it Do?Wrapping paper, as the name on the tin suggests, is paper for wrapping things in. In the context of Christmas, the insides of the wrapping paper would generally be found to contain Christmas gifts.
Why Wrapping paper?
Because you HAVE to use wrapping paper. You can't not use wrapping paper. Not using wrapping paper is a deeply frowned upon activity. Giving a gift without wrapping paper would be like handing over a floppy piece or ham and lettuce and saying 'here's your sandwich, enjoy'. For some reason being handed a gift unwrapped feels wrong. Somehow, the task of unwrapping somehow proves your ownership of the gift - I've worked for it, now I get to keep it. No you can't look at it, I'm looking at it. No get off it's mine.
So the point of wrapping paper is not about wrapping paper? It's about the gift, right?
Wrapping paper is an intrinsic part of the gift giving and receiving experience - some would argue that the tearing off of the paper is more exciting than the gift itself.
The removing of the paper says a lot about the opener (the 'giftee'), just as the choice of paper has much to say about the wrapper (the 'gifter') (it's a word).
Some tear at the paper like the contents may dissolve if they don't act quickly enough, Some slowly tease the wrapping from the gift, removing each piece of sellotape carefully and unfolding the paper as they go along. This second practice is held by:
a) fetishists who derive some odd pleasure from keeping themselves in ten minutes suspense over a Body Shop bath set, or
b) the financially cautious, who will later iron the paper, fold it and place it in a bag for later use. This is a lovely thing to do, and not weird at all. (Hi mum!)
What does the wrapping paper Do, exactly?
Essentially, the job of the wrapping paper is to disguise the nature of the gift within. This, of course, rubbish. A book is book shaped. No matter how many snowmen are dancing around on it, a paperback rectangle is a paperback rectangle. No amount of gurning robins can disguise the fact that the wine bottle shaped object under the tree may be a bottle of wine, no surreptitious use of ribbon can make a griddle pan feel like a pair of earrings.
Unless you wear griddle pans as earrings, in which case they will.
What kind of wrapping paper should I choose?
Wrapping paper comes in two basic flavours - Jolly and Tasteful. There is little grey area between the two. 'Jolly yet tasteful' is not a concept that has gained much ground in the consumer market, but if anyone would like to start producing sheets of repeated mini versions of Rodin's The Thinker wearing a bobble hat and a shiny red nose (perhaps while sitting on the top of a tree), I'm sure there's a ready market. Maybe.
What do you mean "Jolly"?
Jolly is the drug of choice for the majority of gift givers. Bursts of colour, (red and green mainly) with gaudy repeating patterns of snowmen, or Santa, or lanterns, or reindeer with luminous extremities, or santa with a lantern. Or a snowman with a lantern with a robin sitting on top. Jolly wrapping paper is cheap, and designed to be torn off as quickly as possible (not that this will deter the keepy-ironers). The bright colourful wrapping throws itself into the room, shouting "HELLO! I HAM HAY CWISTMAS PWESENT! YOU WANNOO OPEN ME YOU KNOWOO DO! YESSOO DO!"
That sounds fun. Although I strangely feel like punching that present. What's not tasteful about jolly presents, then?
Oh a world away. Tasteful is a choice often taken by people who like producing sets of things that all look lovely, and all look the same. Varying sizes and shapes of packages - all of single hued paper, something subtle, something classic (brown paper has much to recommend it) all tied with string, or colour coded with simple ribbon indicating the intended giftee. Perhaps a hand-drawn star or snowflake will indicate the season. Otherwise, minimalism is the key. The law, in fact.
What's the religious significance of wrapping paper?
You think the wise men handed the gifts over unwrapped? Have you ever tried carrying frankincense loose? Very hard.
Also Jesus talks about wrapping paper in the Gospel of Luke. He says it's a good thing.
Gosh, it's all very complicated. Look. The world's too full of packaging anyway. And when I bought this in the shop, they gave me this nice carrier bag. Can't I just hand it over in that?
No.
But it's mainly white. The carrier bag, I mean. Doesn't that count as tasteful?
Shut up.