14 December 2004
Sing-a-long-a crimbo-carol
Memories of childhood
Once in Royal David's city,
Doo doo doo doo doodoo doodoo shed.
I'm not sure, it's really weird I,
can't keep this one in my head.
I should know it - thought I did.
Used to sing it, a-as a-a kid.
In those old, cold school assemblies,
we would chant this festive fluff,
To the point the words and meaning
turned into some mumbled guff.
To this day, I still don't know
Where which words are me-eant to-oo go.
Still the tunes are rather pretty
And if given half the chance
To join in some seasonal singing
I'll be there, although I'm pants.
Though I don't believe in God
Joyfully, I'll si-ing ou-ut lod.
...
Grown-up carol singing
Ding dong merrily on high,
the office do was last night.
I hope desperately that I
didn't do the things that I might...
Ohhhhhhhh-ti-its-Iii
thi-ink-Iiii-tri-i-ed-
to-oo-sn-og- the-e-
blo-ho-ke-who-oo-oo-oo
brings-the-mor-or-ning-sandwiches...
Oh, maybe I should stay home.
...
Away in a manger, you know when I said
we weren't swapping presents? - well, I meant instead
we'd pretend we weren't going to, and then on the day
we'd bring out some huge thing, so where's mine then, hey?
...
Hark the herald angels sing
glory to shiny bring new things
peace on earth, and mercy mild
under the tree, pressies piled.
Joyful all ye nations rise,
hope that you all realise -
I've a brand new mini ipod,
almost enough to make me b'lieve in God...
Hark the herald angels sing
I'm bored of that, I want some bling.
....
and a theology lesson
While shepherds watched their flocks by night all seated on the ground
one thought that he had lost his flask but then the flask was found.
"Fear not", said he, "I've found my 'tea', so we'll all have a cup.
Wow, bollocks-all happens to us, we'll have to make stuff up."
"What like?", said one. "Well, I don't know" said our friend with the drink.
They scratched their heads and scratched their balls, and each one had a think.
"'Ow's this..." said one "A great big man - with wings - scared us to shit"
"You know what, mate, it sounds insane, but I think it's a hit."
Third Shep pipes up: "Oh, come on now, what twat would swallow this?"
But tell they did, and folk believed, it was a piece of piss.
Their tales of angels went down well, their townsfolk thought them ace.
And everyone gathered to meet in that now 'Holy Place'.
So every night thousands of folk all sat round on the ground,
the moral is: it's good to lie - by this can friends be found.
...
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