11 December 2005
Reindeer vs. Christmas
Cliff, 'Tis Court Report, writes:
Judge: "The next case before the North Pole Industrial Public Tribunal refers to an incident of the nasal discrimation in the workplace. The plaintiff, one R. Reindeer claims that despite exceptional performance which helped his colleagues, he was excluded from recreational activities and was subject to verbal discrinimation. Is this the case?"
Rudolph: "That is correct, Your Honour. I do have a condition called Nasal Gleaming Sydrome which is made worse by the winter and exposure to the elements."
Prosecution: "And despite this, your employer, a Mr. Christmas, made you go outside on Christmas Eve to deliver presents to how many addresses?"
Rudolph: "Approximately 6 billion. Give or take a naughty variance of 10 million."
Prosecution: "Your Honour, let the record state that Mr. Christmas insisted on being called 'Father' Christmas despite no affliation to the church."
Defence: "Objection."
Judge: "I'll let it stand."
Prosecution: "Rudolph, I know this is hard, but can you tell the court how you were treated by the other reindeer."
Rudolph: "They were fine at first. Autumn training was fun, because they all remember what it was like being the new guy, but as it started to get colder, my NSG kicked in."
Prosecution: "And what did they start doing?"
Rudolph: "They would ridicule me."
Prosecution: "Laugh? Call you names?"
Rudolph (grabbing a tissue): "Yes. And I wasn't allowed to play in any of their games during breaks."
Prosecution: "Such as?"
Rudolph: "Moose Chase, Caribou Jenga, that kind of thing."
Prosecution rests.
Defence: "Mr. Christmas, you are known as many things, are you not?"
Christmas: "That is correct. I go by the name of Santa, Santa Claus, St. Nick, Papa Noel, a bunch of things."
Defence: "And you have never said you are a member of any church?"
Christmas: "Never."
Defence: "Thank you. Now, you have treated Rudolph fairly. Can you tell us what happened last Christmas Eve?"
Christmas: "I remember it was very foggy. Visibility was down to maybe a few feet, so I said to Rudolph that I wanted him to take point on the old gift-lifter so we could all see where we were going."
Defence: "And how did the other reindeer react?"
Christmas: "They loved him. They were shouting out, all a-whooping and a-hollering."
Defence (nodding): "Is 'glee' the word you would use?"
Christmas: "Yes.'Glee' would just about sum it up."
Defence: "Did you know anything about Rudolph's Nasal Gleaming Sydrome?"
Christmas: "Not until after he took the job."
Defence: "And did he know the job entailed working late shifts, outside on Christmas Eve?"
Christmas: "Absolutely. 'Wanted. Christmas dispatch mammal. Transport provided -no yaks.' That's what the ad said."
Defence: "The defense rests your honour."
Judge: "It appears to this court that the plaintiff knew what he was getting himself in for when he took the job. After initial jibes by colleagues Blitzen and Donner, he was never undermined by his employer, who encouraged Rudolph to make the most of his assets to ensure not only his own safety, but that of others. He was also offered a place in history, which he duly accepted.
"The court awards legal costs to Mr. Christmas and orders Mr. Reindeer to pay back the carrots and advises him to get treatment for his NGS or find alternative employment."
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