12 December 2006
Fascinating fact #12: Christmas is the leading cause of death in Turkeybirds
Anna says:
And the second most likely cause of death is often said to be drowning, due to the fact that Turkeys are so stupid that when it rains, they look up at the sky to try and work out what is happening. They stand their, staring up at the clouds, and, having no noses, their mouths fill completely up with water, and they drown. Because they're stupid.
At least, that is what is often said, but sadly is completely untrue.
The actual top ten causes of death (not including the drowning-in-rain thing, which - as any google search will show you - is rubbish, and an urban myth) for the Turkeybird.
1) Christmas.
2) Drink driving (NEVER make a Turkey the designated driver).
3) Being sucked into the engines of landbound aeroplane.
4) Kebabing accidents.
5) MRSA
6) Shooting (mainly at the hands - or wings - of other Turkeys. Police are highly concerned about Turkey-on-Turkey crime, on the increase as Turkey-gangs are on the increase in inner-rural areas. Gangs made very complicated by the fact that they all look the same and, being almost completely illiterate, are all named 'Turkey', or variations on the spelling of such )
7) Alcoholism (Port, Sherry etc)
8) Easter. (In the Chinese calendar)
9) Faulty wiring.
10) Fatal inhalation of creosote fumes (particularly "RONSEAL KILLER CREOSOTE" products)
Figures are unavailable as to how many of these fatalities later end up in Asda stores - but check your Turkey closely... if a you find a bullet (carved with the words "THIZ ONZ 4 U, TUKEE!") lodged in the wishbone, or your bird smells of creosote, you could have a ringer on your hands.
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