19 December 2006
Fascinating Festive Fact #19: Nobody remembers the person in second place.
Bobbie says:
Each year it’s the same old story, as the music charts go ga-ga over the race to top the pops and some Stilton-voiced Disc Jockey unveils the answer to the biggest question of the season: who has managed to be Christmas Number One.
Fair enough, those popstrels who make it to the summit deserve a little sunshine in their lives. But step away from the bright lights for a moment and think instead of those poor, unlucky people who don’t have a best-selling single to celebrate this yule. You know what I’m saying: what about those forgotten Christmas Number Twos?
Oh, it’s all right for the big boys and girls who get to go down in history (or at least in the Guinness Book of Hit Singles) with seasonal chart toppers. After all, there’s only one of them each year, and they’re guaranteed a slice of the. We all fondly remember Slade’s Noddy Holder screaming “IT’S CHRRRRIIIISSSSSSSTTMAAAAAASS” as if his swingers were caught in his zipper. And bloody Cliff Richard’s made a career out of being all nice and festive just in time to get the grannies out to HMV.
But those who come in second place find little room in our hearts. Even the most hardened chart aficionado would struggle to remember Little Betty Bradley’s “Happy Xmas, Mr Hitler (War Is Over)” (No 2, 1973), which may have been the first “mashup”, seeking as it did to capitalise on John Lennon’s famous ditty and the theme tune of successful TV series Dad’s Army.
And I can guarantee you won’t remember barbershop beauty “Meet You Under The Mistletoe And I’ll Show You My Turkey (Medley)” by Dwayne and the Day-Releasers (No 2, 1962). No? Didn’t think so.
Even big names can fall by the wayside, too. Talking Heads’ famous Christmas version of seminal single Psycho Killer – released in 1978 and adding jingling sleigh bells and a Santa-like “ho ho ho” in the middle eight – has become a long-lost footnote in musical history, after narrowly losing out to Boney M’s “Mary’s Boy Child”. Hard-to-find copies now sell for as much as £500 on eBay (a fact which, I am told, has helped pay for David Byrne’s expensive Mongolian nose flute lessons on numerous occasions).
This list of losers, littered with forgotten names, proves exactly how history only remembers those who come out on top.
So here’s my advice to whichever reality TV contestant is certain to grab the top spot come December 25: spare a thought for those who aren’t so fortunate, because a Number Two should be for life, not just for Christmas.