18 December 2003
My girlfriend and I are saving up for a deposit on a flat. To save money, this year we've pledged to give each other only token presents. Does she actually mean it, or am I going to look like a completely thoughtless cheapskate bastard on Christmas morning?
Meg says:Newsflash: there is no such thing as a token gift for Christmas between lovers.
If you give your girlfriend a copy of the latest chicklit pastel-cover bonkbuster, she will open it, laugh, and then look around for her real present. If you give her a mug with her name on, because you know how she loves a cuppa in the morning, she will think it is a joke. A sweet joke, but a joke nevertheless, and furthermore, one which you probably bought from a motorway service station. Now where's the real pressie?
I don't want to put a price on passion, but at the end of the day, token gifts are for times which aren't loaded with commercial significance. Token presents say "I've got to give you something because society demands it, so begrudgingly, here you are" rather than "I know you so well here's something only I would be able to give you," which is the message you want to be getting across.
Let's not confuse token with cheap, though.
Token is a magnolia bath gift set in a presentation straw basket from the Body Shop (Cost=£11.50).
Cheap is a DIY perfect bathtime kit in a shoebox, containing six nightlights (65p), a pack of sandalwood incense (95p), a bath bomb containing rose petals (£2), an indulgent face pack (80p), her favourite glossy magazine (£1.80), a cucumber eyemask (95p), bottle of semi-decent plonk (£4.35) and a home-made compilation CD, minidisc or tape containing specially selected soothing sounds (Free).Total cost = £11.50. Emotional Effect = Priceless.
Likewise, token is a bog-standard Christmas variety tin of assorted chocolate biscuits from the local supermarket (£4.99), while cheap is a stylish small Muji brushed steel box (£2.45) filled with homemade pepparkakor (£2.50 for ingredients, or Anna brand Swedish Ginger Thins from most biscuit sellers are just as good - add your own lemony icing), even though you had to banish your beloved from the kitchen for an afternoon, and phone your mum to ask what "kneading" meant. Total cost = £4.95. Touching thoughtfulness and yumminess value = priceless.
Cheapness says you care, and are watching the pennies, but still using maximum creativity and thoughtfulness to make your sweetheart's face light up when he or she opens the gift.
Token presents say you picked a price point and bought the first thing under it which a particular shop's marketing guru subversively told you your enamorata might like:
Gifts for Her? Perfume set. Footspa. Robbie Williams CD. Gifts for Him? Toolkit. Lynx gift set. Golf mug containing two balls and five coloured tees. And so on.
Plus you know, of course, that although both you and your girlfriend both agreed back in November to buy only inexpensive token gifts for each other this festive season, she won't have been able to stick to that, and even if she has got you the golf mug and the aftershave and the amusing socks, she'll also have sneakily bought you a big fuckoff shiny new watch, or a paragliding lesson, or a weekend in Bruges or something. And if you're sitting there with a well-wrapped copy of the Beano album and a gift set of deodorant, you're going to look very cheap and very silly indeed.
So, put simply, if your gifts are thoughtful and creative and made exactly for the recipient, taking time and effort and consideration and intimate knowledge, then it doesn't matter how much they cost, because they are beyond value.
If, however, your gifts fall into the token category, you'd better make sure you've got something really expensive and extravagent in reserve, because it's always better to look generous than stingy, even if you are actually the latter just pretending to be the former. I'd suggest travel, jewellery and shiny gadget items not related to grooming.
However, remember this: a box of hand baked biscuits beats them all hands down, especially if you don't know how to cook, they're all mis-shapen and wonky, but you tried.
Like all the best things; thoughtful and made with love.
« 17 | Main | 19 »